Forgive me blogosphere for I have sinned, its been a week since my last post...

Last Saturday I came down with a bad case of pneumonia (too much hot-tubing in the rain). However, I didn't know what I had until late Sunday night. I spent most of the day Sunday with the heater cranked to 82 degrees, wrapped under three blankets, and still shivering. I must have been pretty out of it because it took me over 24 hours to realize that I was running a fever.

I held a 102+ fever for over five days. Needless to say these days were not spent tooling around town, but rather curdled up on the couch drifting in & out of consciousness. Mom to the rescue, took me to the doc's, got a script, couple days later I'm back at it. Still not 100% but am bored stiff, and I can't stand being bored.

I am starting to become a little (a lot) sad about leaving Leena behind. I know she is "just a dog", at least that's what my friends tell me, but she's my dog... she's my child for all intents & purposes. Technically, she's the ex's dog, I bought Leena for Ex for Valentine's day 4 years ago. However, regardless of what that situation is, Leena is still my baby. She is such a sweetheart, all she ever wants is to snuggle & love & play & lick & snuggle & love....

I'm also starting to miss the house & car nonsense. I have put a lot of time, money & effort into this place & my life over the past 12 years. However, most of this stuff is easy to let go of, once I made my commitment. While materialistic things are loosing their appeal to me, I am quite sentimental.

I will store most of my worldly travel souvenirs, unique items that I've collected across the planet over the years. China, Mexico, Australia, Germany, India, I can't bring myself to lose these items. This mostly comes from my Grandfather. As a child, I admired a wooden carving in his office of a bull. I didn't know where he got it, but always imagined somewhere exotic. I have several wooden carvings I've collected from my travels, a sailfish, a lion, I enjoy those most of all.

The one possession I'll regret leaving behind is my guitar. At my lowest points, I have turned to the guitar to express my sorrow & pain in a healthy outlet. However, I'm committed to a backpack, laptop, board-shorts & sandals. I plan on buying local clothes, so I don't stick out as a tourist. I'm renting a furnished apartment, so no need for furniture. I'm traveling light, by design, and have to give up a lot to realize this ideal.

It'll be tough to come home after this transition, to rebuild, to reintegrate. If I let that idea keep me from my dreams, than I deserve not my dreams nor the dream itself.

What a difference a day makes...

While it is never fun to deal with DBAG, at least I was able to mostly work with GMan and sort out our plan for moving forward. Set in writing as of this post, thank goodness.

It is truly amazing how much that guy brings me down. The further & further away from him I get, the happier & happier I become.

Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel as though my life can finally move on. I can return to thinking about my pending move to Costa Rica, day-dreaming about the central american sun, working with people I actually like working with, and making money only when I feel like making money.

Sometimes I feel as though my life has become similar to a silhouette. Extreme beauty in some areas, deep darkness in others. I know now that is a side effect of my work over the last 10 years. The level of stress was literally killing me. Had the good people in my life not given me the strength & courage to make a change on such a drastic note, I would not have survived much longer.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Maybe, we'll see, says the zen master. I am still scared about moving over 3,000 miles away, where I know nobody & don't currently speak the local language fluently. However, I'm still willing to do it, if for nothing else than the adventure, and that's something.

Life, for me, is no longer about survival, especially not flourishing monetarily under an evil dictator. Now that I am free of my obligations, life has become about living, with a minor in searching for happiness.

So its my birthday today, happy birthday to me I guess...

I woke up to a livid email from a certain lawyer claiming he is going to bring a law suit against me. For the record, 7:30am on my birthday is way to early to be thinking about this stuff... DBAG stopped by my parents house this afternoon, please tell me we're not going to have to file a restraining order.

What better way to top off my morning than to receive a Happy Birthday text from my ex!... thats all I need, scar = ripped open... thank you, come again... I know she is just trying to be sweet, but its still hard for me to hear from her.

Almost got mugged on my way back to the house this evening. Gangsters in the park, I had a pizza in my hands, need I say more? They're just punks, probably drinking, 6 of them, 1 of me, how could that not have happened? Needless to say I was not in the mood to listen to their banter, I pushed through & headed up the stairs fairly quickly... awesomeness...

Looks like I'll be staying another day, at least until Saturday at this point. I suppose this is good training for my pending move, so I got that going for me. It really is quite beautiful here during a big storm. I walked around town today after the rains this morning, its so quite, nobody is on the streets, very peaceful.

A bolder fell into town this afternoon. Nearly crushed the bike shop downtown. It fell from one of the hills next to the basketball courts. Everything to the right side of town is completely closed off to the public now, and that includes the boat docs. Not really sure when I'll get home at this point, but thats ok...

Oh ya, did I mention its my Birthday!

I made it a point to avoid today's meeting... dang, didn't think I was a coward. Its all part of the process I guess, but DBAG puede besar mi culo.

My main goal here is to let go of the ego. This has gotten me into trouble several times before. If I can't love myself, I can't love others. I don't know why I'm so self destructive. I wish it were different, but wishing is a fools game. Left a life that served me well; paid for everything, but drove me to hell. I liked it...

For those reading this, je suis désolé. I am hesitant to post anything that is going on inside my head, but that's part of the problem. I should continue to write, continue to bring others into my life, get this stuff out of me & trust in the world.

Posts will get better... in a dark place with a beautiful surrounding...

I have spent most of today thinking about my pending move to Costa Rica. I currently live in Southern California, and my plan is to live abroad for at least 1 year. My first choice in locations would have been somewhere in Europe, but with exchange rates what they are, I decided to travel to Central America instead.

This all came about because of two life changing events that happened recently. First was the loss of my girlfriend after 6 years. She decided she was no longer in love with me, packed her bags, and left. I spent a solid two weeks in deep depression, but after much love and attention by my friends & family, I was able to clearly see what had gone wrong.

This lead me to the second life changing event, I quit my job of 10 years. I had not realized the level of stress this particular job was burdening me with. With tears in my eyes & a shaking hand, I sent in my letter of resignation on a Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, the relief did not come instantly. I was full of doubt, but something had to be done. I could no longer continue to live in the style I had created for myself, working twelve to sixteen hour days, six or sometimes seven days a week.

I am happy to report that the relief I was searching for did finally arrive. Single & unemployed, I decided there was no better time than the present to renew my plans for living abroad. This is something I have talked about for years, but mostly as just an idea with my now ex-girlfriend. Our target had always been Barcelona, Spain, a place we visited together just 6 months into our relationship. Ever since we have had grand visions of living in Spain, and now its finally happening but with slightly different circumstances.

After asking around for a while, I landed on Costa Rica due to a few factors. First and foremost, it is truly another country and culture, as opposed to simply moving out-of-state. The exchange rate is helping rather than hurting, contrary to Europe. Also, I have a base knowledge of Spanish, which works for either destination.

I'm also attracted to the layout of Central America, which somewhat resembles Europe in that there are several smallish countries nearby. This makes moving from one to the next easy and affordable should I decide to relocate after a few months. There are 6 countries within 400 miles of each other.... sounds like fun!

I have started to get my finances in-order, changed my cell phone number (which will be canceled before I leave), finding a new home for my furniture & dog, setting up new lines of communication that will work abroad, checking visa requirements & immigration rules, etc. etc... the list goes on and on.

My expected jump-off date is currently July 1st. This should give me plenty of time to tie up loose ends, and gives everyone in my life plenty of notice. I would very much like to be here for my little brother's birthday on the 20th, seems like I'm always absent for that one. However, I will always find a reason to stay if I don't set a goal, make plans, and stick to it....

Its gunna be an adventure!!......